So This is the new year

So As you all know, I haven't written since last year.
so much has happened.
Collin has turned ONE!!! 12-10.... i know one. WOW. they grow so fast.

He is the happiest boy I know!! He is full of smiles and usually happy.  He knows a few words but not to many, He is off his bottle on a Cup sometimes a sippy but he just loves to drink out of cups... Walks a little on his own but mostly still likes to  hold on to something while he goes. He is a mommas boy. I love him lots...
I worked like there was no tomorrow in December. had lots of over time and Several 12 hour days.
It was lots of work, but we got threw it
Christmas came and went. And that was all good got to spend it with family and what not....And its already January.....
My Goals for This year
1. Blog more. (hehe)
2. Lose weight 20-30lbs.
3. Work out every other day
4. Spend more time just Playing with my kids
5. enjoy everyday as best as I can.
So this is the new year.

this song always goes threw my head on new years...

Connect with me.

I'm Baggin for a connection, But not reaching out.
I'm upset when He doesn't call, or she doesn't have time to talk.
When Its just a text that doesnt explain everything.
When I come from the conversation and feel like it went no where.
I need to make more of an effort to realize that life is busy and you are not going to be were you want to be with everyone.
I don't want to make excuses. Because I'm just as fault as the next person. Todays world of cell phones, computers and social networking has made it soooo easy for us to just say "Hi" in a text or a message and make us feel like we've really reach out in a way that was necessary for us to get connected.
I'm sorta at the point where i want to quit it all. But I so love getting to see whats going on with everyone.. Few weeks ago I've was without My DVR on my Tv. for those who do not know that means i have not been able to record, pause, skip or watch any recordings i have had before. I've come to realize how lazy and impatient I've become when it comes to things like that. I want it NOW or I want it to wait till I'm ready. I think thats Kinda how I've look at relationships lately too. If its not easy its not worth it...  AND THAT IS SO not how I really truly Feel!!! not at all. I have to say that I use to be good at reaching out, Since I've been working more I've been not so good about it. I just have to say I don't know what role I play in some peoples life. I don't want to be the over baring sister, daughter, or friend. I also do not want to come across as someone who doesn't care at all. I'm just sitting her realizing I truly have less than 5 friends in my life and that includes my husband... Since I got married and had kids most of the high school friends just kinda moved on and so did I. I've been wanting more, But I just don't know where to find it, or how to fit into my life. I know I could do this on my own and it takes time with moving and not knowing anyone and not being very involved in anything doesn't help at all.... I just so lost In my relationships. I've Had this so heavy on my heart. I just need to get it out. I have my family but sometimes you just want more then what you have. I read a quote the other day saying If you dont like where you are, Your not a tree so change it.  Or something like that. anyway.... Just getting that off my chest. I know it takes two to tango.This post has been lingering here for a month or so.... There are a few people who reach out, are there for me. and i really appreciate it .... But I feel its time to just Get it out there so its no longer a draft...
I LOVE THIS SONG BY THE FRAY. I feel like some days its my theme song.

"And suddenly I become a part of your past

I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless"

fly away with the music.

Ever since I can remember Music has inspired me so much. I always like to say music is the beat the flows through my vains. I actually started to write because I secreatly wanted to become a singer and have my music impact everyone that heard it. I'm not an amazing singer by any means, I also did not want to be Famous like the celebertys today because they have no private life. I started to write in 5th grade think at some point in every girls life they keep a diary. I got so tired of writing about my day and it always seeming to be the same that I deside that I should write songs. I always like Cleaver lyrics and things with a deeper meaning than they seem to appear to have. So this is how I came about to writing my poems I some how feel this back storys need for the rest of the post.. I have a ipod, which my lovely husband bought for me... Yesterday One of my favorite songs right before I meet Kevin was Fly Away By Paul Wright. I came upon this song Via cell phone ring tones, got to love the way you find things.... Anyway. I just love the song so much I used good to find the lyrics and Myspace to find the song. I'm not so sure why I'm being so Specific all of a sudden but I guess I feel the need to... I've had an obsession with flying. I love the freeness in it. the ability to go where ever, when ever. This song Fit my life like a glove, or I guess it would be better to say what I wanted in life.. It was amazing.

Here is the Video so you can hear the song.

here are some poems about music...

Title: Music Fades
I live my life like it was a song.
its kinda one of those slow song
that you never really feel like your going to reach the end
the music flows
sometimes it fades in and out
But the fading never last that long
so crank up the volume
so you dont have to deal with the rest of the world
But i cant wait till i get to the end of the song so i can play it all back and see why at some points it was better for the music to fade because things never seem to stay exactly the same. and then you can see the purpose of the fading in the song.

Untitled
The music stops, so do my thoughts.
The batteries are low just like my soul.
The music lets me block out the world.
without it i am lost in my other thoughts
thoughts of things I shouldn't think
but they creep into my mind in their spare time.
i wrote that. one day when my batteries in my CD player died and i didn't have anymore left.

Stress in. Stress out.

Stress in. Stress out.
Thats all these days are about.
Stress in. Stress out.
Stress seeps in. It spills out.
Before I can figure out what all this stress is about.
My minds so cluttered, My pen seems to stutter.
My fingers twitch as I try to sit still
My pen clicks when my mind goes blank.
Hoping to stir up my words
to get all the stress out before the stress gets in.
Sleepless nights make it a bigger fight.
To not let all this stress in before my pen helps get the stress out.

I wrote this at work the other day. Life can be very stressful and the fact that I work at a stressful job doesn't really help out. I deal with angry people all the time. Sometime it stress me out. Its not really like i have no food tomorrow kind of stress. its more like Emotional stress of people anger being tossed at you without any thought. I'm really shocked over the things that set people off. Everyones different and everyone has different points. I just realize to not get so angry at someone whos not at fault. I've been walking everyday in the morning and that seems to help out with any extras stress i have.
Moving on.
things have been good. Work keeps me really busy. Kaleighs been in pre-school. she loves it. collins a handful and is into everything. Life is good.
This video is kinda how i feel right now. yep. Thats all for now. the video is just the cover of the album.

a little life update. Things have been so crazy.
Kaleigh started Preschool! she loves it. but sometimes you can tell she would rather stay home and not go.
it seems like we been having a lot of interesting life experiences. First off my husband taho broke down so we were a one car family for One week. And lets just say I've never been so happy to get that car back up and running. we had to wake the kids up to take kevin to work at 5am then kevin would have to take them to pick me up at 10pm almost every day. it was crazy and I'm just happy that is over.
I work 50 hours this week! YAY over time. I'm pretty excited to see my next check. Works kinda stressful some days because some people get really upset over things they shouldnt be. Of course some people have a right to be angery.
 Every one in the family has a cold  (or allergies not sure which) and the kids went to the doctor and got shots yesterday. He said he thought it was both allergies and a cold.
I'm trying to lose my baby weight I have from collin..  That's going ok. lost a few ponds the past week or so... I'm really hoping to get back to the weight I was before kaleigh. I walk almost every day so that's really helping I'm not on a "diet" but I just watch what I eat and trying to eat things that are better  for me. I'll keep ya guys updated if I reach my goal.
I've been so crazy busy I just don't even know where else to go with this. So its just a little up date.  Hopefully I will post more later this month.

the busy work of life

As most of you know i'm going to be getting pretty busy. Just got full time at my job!! YAY! i'm so excited. A little worried i'll be missing my babies. but I know its for the best and it wont be forever! We have been really tight on money lately because we have to pay back a lot of money that we got from the army, (we knew about the first payment this year and saved like crazy to pay it) and then they turn around and ask us to do it again not even 6 months later, with 3 or 4 month notice.. let me tell ya its not easy coming up with money out of thin air. I'm really hoping I can get as many hours as possible to make sure we don't get behind.
Our little family is doing well. Kaleigh Just turned 3 on Sunday!!



My Little girl  is Growing up.



Make sure you click so you can see the whole picture!!! Kaleigh is Getting So big  I love her, But she can be very stubborn and is a lot more like me then i'd like to admit. Sometimes when she talks I hear myself in what she says. My parents say She nothing like personality wise me, But just like me Energy/temper wise. Of course she is such a girl and Although I am a girl, I've never like the Girly things, so we are not so sure where she got this all from. she has fits when she doesn't get her way, but we are working on getting her to talk about her feelings/wants instead of screaming about them... She lives in a land of Faires and mermaids, where deigo (doras cousin) Rescue animals and she helps him save them. she often "talks" on the phone with him and then when she's "done" kaleigh tells me about all the adventures they have shared. It is quite interesting.. The other night she didnt want to sit down and eat because she was talking to Diego. I have a feeling it wont be the last time she wont want to come to the table because she is talking to a boy.Even if this time his imaginary, that probably only last a few years... she seems to have a very tender soul, Easily hurt and worried about spiders and bugs hurting her. she is such a sweet girl. I love Her so much for the person she is growing into.

Collin just started to cut teeth, None have push all the way threw but they are Just sitting there waiting to pop up. I feel the bumps and i feel so bad for the little guy. But what can you do its a part of life that None of us really remember so i guess thats the best part of it. He Lives on his belly Army crawling around to whatever he sees that sparks his interest. Or he just Follows kaleigh, me, or panda, Our cat around. Every time he sees Panda he Shoots off towards her  to try to get ahold of her before she runs away!! Every so often she holds still for him and  he gets to pet her. I'm almost sure he's going to create trouble for us. Always into something no matter how long you have your back turned. He is such a happy baby giggles real easy and seems to be a very busy body.  also Just the past few week or so started to pull up on things.  climbing my leg, Kaleighs couch, our lower chairs. Its so crazy!! Just today he pulled himself off the floor to his get his toys on his exersaucer.. he got himself to his knees so he could pay with what he wanted!! kinda scared me but he handle him self very well.. Also he is Pig (and i mean that in a nice way), eats a baby jar of fruit or veggies, then something else we are having thats soft.. when it comes to food he will eat anything, yes I know he is just a baby(and of course we dont give him anything his belly cant handle), but he doesn't care what you are eating he thinks he should get some and will Lunge after your plates or hands if he is near by while you are eating. Regardless of how sad or upset I get he always makes me smile.I love my Little boy

And as for my husband, He has been working hard. Switching jobs then going back to his old one. I would ask you pray that his back gets better, it seems to take a bigger toll on him every day. I think I will make a longer post about the more detail stuff with this another time. I have a lot of Feelings about this that would be a great share another day, this post is pretty long already. I hope you like my LONG and big update. TWO in one week!!    :)

Flower my soul

So I've been taking pictures of my flowers this year that we planted... They are so amazing!! To be honest, I never really "loved" flowers before. I like how the look and smell. I've always thought they smell good. This year i didnt get ALL my flowers because, My daughter kaleigh kept picking them Or the out rogues heat  took em out as fast as they bloomed. I'm missing my rose bush, Daffodils, and some other plants i'm not really sure what they are called. Well My husband off hand remark how i should make a phone diary of our flowers because I'm always taking pictures of them...

Some of these pictures where taken with a cell phone so some of the pictures are blury.  a few are Not in my garden. so i'll let ya know.

Flower my soul with overflowing beauty. -Me

My amazing Tulips

Kaleigh with a Tulips

Asiatic Lilies (Pink)

asiatic lilies (only orange one we got!!)

asiatic Lilies (white and VERY light yellow)

not sure what this plant is
but its outside my work, and very pretty.

saw this in the Garden in Omaha

Lilium hot pink

lilium Deep pink almost a purple

these are the orangey or red ones
the pink ones all died before I got a pic.

I have NO idea what this little bush thing
we have is but it blooms a ton of these

Lilium that kevin picked for me

a picture of flowers my husband texted me!!

this one is also from the flower garden in omaha.
star flower or somthing like that
ITS MY favortie. I think.
I love the vains and the shape.
I actually love almost every one of the flowers above.

I hope you like the flowers, a life update soon promise.