So This is the new year

So As you all know, I haven't written since last year.
so much has happened.
Collin has turned ONE!!! 12-10.... i know one. WOW. they grow so fast.

He is the happiest boy I know!! He is full of smiles and usually happy.  He knows a few words but not to many, He is off his bottle on a Cup sometimes a sippy but he just loves to drink out of cups... Walks a little on his own but mostly still likes to  hold on to something while he goes. He is a mommas boy. I love him lots...
I worked like there was no tomorrow in December. had lots of over time and Several 12 hour days.
It was lots of work, but we got threw it
Christmas came and went. And that was all good got to spend it with family and what not....And its already January.....
My Goals for This year
1. Blog more. (hehe)
2. Lose weight 20-30lbs.
3. Work out every other day
4. Spend more time just Playing with my kids
5. enjoy everyday as best as I can.
So this is the new year.

this song always goes threw my head on new years...

Stress in. Stress out.

Stress in. Stress out.
Thats all these days are about.
Stress in. Stress out.
Stress seeps in. It spills out.
Before I can figure out what all this stress is about.
My minds so cluttered, My pen seems to stutter.
My fingers twitch as I try to sit still
My pen clicks when my mind goes blank.
Hoping to stir up my words
to get all the stress out before the stress gets in.
Sleepless nights make it a bigger fight.
To not let all this stress in before my pen helps get the stress out.

I wrote this at work the other day. Life can be very stressful and the fact that I work at a stressful job doesn't really help out. I deal with angry people all the time. Sometime it stress me out. Its not really like i have no food tomorrow kind of stress. its more like Emotional stress of people anger being tossed at you without any thought. I'm really shocked over the things that set people off. Everyones different and everyone has different points. I just realize to not get so angry at someone whos not at fault. I've been walking everyday in the morning and that seems to help out with any extras stress i have.
Moving on.
things have been good. Work keeps me really busy. Kaleighs been in pre-school. she loves it. collins a handful and is into everything. Life is good.
This video is kinda how i feel right now. yep. Thats all for now. the video is just the cover of the album.

a little life update. Things have been so crazy.
Kaleigh started Preschool! she loves it. but sometimes you can tell she would rather stay home and not go.
it seems like we been having a lot of interesting life experiences. First off my husband taho broke down so we were a one car family for One week. And lets just say I've never been so happy to get that car back up and running. we had to wake the kids up to take kevin to work at 5am then kevin would have to take them to pick me up at 10pm almost every day. it was crazy and I'm just happy that is over.
I work 50 hours this week! YAY over time. I'm pretty excited to see my next check. Works kinda stressful some days because some people get really upset over things they shouldnt be. Of course some people have a right to be angery.
 Every one in the family has a cold  (or allergies not sure which) and the kids went to the doctor and got shots yesterday. He said he thought it was both allergies and a cold.
I'm trying to lose my baby weight I have from collin..  That's going ok. lost a few ponds the past week or so... I'm really hoping to get back to the weight I was before kaleigh. I walk almost every day so that's really helping I'm not on a "diet" but I just watch what I eat and trying to eat things that are better  for me. I'll keep ya guys updated if I reach my goal.
I've been so crazy busy I just don't even know where else to go with this. So its just a little up date.  Hopefully I will post more later this month.

the busy work of life

As most of you know i'm going to be getting pretty busy. Just got full time at my job!! YAY! i'm so excited. A little worried i'll be missing my babies. but I know its for the best and it wont be forever! We have been really tight on money lately because we have to pay back a lot of money that we got from the army, (we knew about the first payment this year and saved like crazy to pay it) and then they turn around and ask us to do it again not even 6 months later, with 3 or 4 month notice.. let me tell ya its not easy coming up with money out of thin air. I'm really hoping I can get as many hours as possible to make sure we don't get behind.
Our little family is doing well. Kaleigh Just turned 3 on Sunday!!



My Little girl  is Growing up.



Make sure you click so you can see the whole picture!!! Kaleigh is Getting So big  I love her, But she can be very stubborn and is a lot more like me then i'd like to admit. Sometimes when she talks I hear myself in what she says. My parents say She nothing like personality wise me, But just like me Energy/temper wise. Of course she is such a girl and Although I am a girl, I've never like the Girly things, so we are not so sure where she got this all from. she has fits when she doesn't get her way, but we are working on getting her to talk about her feelings/wants instead of screaming about them... She lives in a land of Faires and mermaids, where deigo (doras cousin) Rescue animals and she helps him save them. she often "talks" on the phone with him and then when she's "done" kaleigh tells me about all the adventures they have shared. It is quite interesting.. The other night she didnt want to sit down and eat because she was talking to Diego. I have a feeling it wont be the last time she wont want to come to the table because she is talking to a boy.Even if this time his imaginary, that probably only last a few years... she seems to have a very tender soul, Easily hurt and worried about spiders and bugs hurting her. she is such a sweet girl. I love Her so much for the person she is growing into.

Collin just started to cut teeth, None have push all the way threw but they are Just sitting there waiting to pop up. I feel the bumps and i feel so bad for the little guy. But what can you do its a part of life that None of us really remember so i guess thats the best part of it. He Lives on his belly Army crawling around to whatever he sees that sparks his interest. Or he just Follows kaleigh, me, or panda, Our cat around. Every time he sees Panda he Shoots off towards her  to try to get ahold of her before she runs away!! Every so often she holds still for him and  he gets to pet her. I'm almost sure he's going to create trouble for us. Always into something no matter how long you have your back turned. He is such a happy baby giggles real easy and seems to be a very busy body.  also Just the past few week or so started to pull up on things.  climbing my leg, Kaleighs couch, our lower chairs. Its so crazy!! Just today he pulled himself off the floor to his get his toys on his exersaucer.. he got himself to his knees so he could pay with what he wanted!! kinda scared me but he handle him self very well.. Also he is Pig (and i mean that in a nice way), eats a baby jar of fruit or veggies, then something else we are having thats soft.. when it comes to food he will eat anything, yes I know he is just a baby(and of course we dont give him anything his belly cant handle), but he doesn't care what you are eating he thinks he should get some and will Lunge after your plates or hands if he is near by while you are eating. Regardless of how sad or upset I get he always makes me smile.I love my Little boy

And as for my husband, He has been working hard. Switching jobs then going back to his old one. I would ask you pray that his back gets better, it seems to take a bigger toll on him every day. I think I will make a longer post about the more detail stuff with this another time. I have a lot of Feelings about this that would be a great share another day, this post is pretty long already. I hope you like my LONG and big update. TWO in one week!!    :)

Potty TIME!!

Kaleigh is Finally potty trained!!!! I've spent the last few months stressing over the fact she is not potty trained, she would come up to me tell me she is wet or dirty! Everyone kept telling me she'll get it, when she does she'll start telling you she needs to go, and just last week she was doing alright but NOW she is going on the big girl potty always. We still do pull ups at night time but thats just in case, most of the time she wakes up dry.. Just one more baby to go! and well he wont be ready for a few years probably. Who knows, I"m just so excited that kaleighs going on the potty, ITs party time for the potty trainee!
Collins also rolls over to get toys and little things around him he starting to take kaleighs toys and she not so excited about sharing with him but i'm sure she will once she realize he will have to share with her too!
Anyway kevin got a new job at a local gas station, working the 3- 11 shift 3 or 4 nights a week. so he will be working less but still have the same amount of hours he had working 6 days a week like 4 hour shifts,
I have been working and switched my Schedule just an hour different but it will be fore the better! We will have so much family time now it will be so nice. I love spending time with the kids and kevin.
Yesterday we went to a carnival that was very small in the mall parking lot it was a lot of fun! kaleigh was so brave and wanted to go on all the rides, she kinda had me worried at a few the pictures will be from that!
 Well i just thought i'd give a little update on whats going on right now i'm pretty busy lately so I dont have much time to write anything else!!!!!  ENJOY THE PICTURES!!


Kaleigh riding in the train.




elephant ride!



she went high in the sky!!

kaleigh horse, she won with choosing a duck

kaleigh and her horse

collin sleeping!

Kaleigh driving!! watch out world!

I almost didnt let kaleigh ride this BUT SHE insisted and was tall enough so i let her...



she loved it!!



In a Music Moment

In a music moment.
Sitting, and listing
Finding a whole new meaning to each song.
Songs I Love.
Feeling the intense moment of when you dont want the song to be over,
Wishing to linger in the lyrics for just a bit longer.
but then it ends before you can hit repete.
a song with a new bet comes on
And you're all wraped up again.
Thoughts and feelings have always been attached to certain songs for me.
Some Certain songs make me think of certain people.

I have been listineing to music to help me sleep lately. I love a good song. This came to me the other night when I was listening to a song i loved years ago, and found a whole new meaning. I Love songs with clever lyrics and a good beat, some songs I like because what they say, I dont even like how it sounds. Thats a very rare occation though...
Also I've always loved sheets of music. I love the way notes look...

Just today I got a call from work saying they are going to move me to a CRA1 (which is one step closer to customer service)!! I'm very excited. I start my training for it this week, I'm really hoping it means more hours  and I'll be able to do more with customers. (and probably get paid more!) Yesterday was mothers day  I had a wonderful time with Kevin, Kaleigh, and Collin. It was so nice to spend time just us and really get to enjoy eachother. We had a great time at the lake (fishing) and just doing Family stuff all day. Playing games and We went on a Crazy long walk to subway (which is a mile away or so)...  Kevin Cooked me supper which was amazing. It was just some good time together, with out feeling like we had to be some where. This week is going to be crazy i'll update you on things when i know....
here some pictures of my weekend.


Kaleigh Blowing bubbles




Kaleigh and I




My Very Happy Boy



Collin Playing. almost always a Smile on his face
unless he is Hungery.

Everything.

So I'm not really sure where to start.
I've been avoiding you blog.

I'm sorry.
its just life's throwing lots my way and I'm not sure what to do with it all.
I have time to write to you I just don't know what to say
so here's whats going on.

I've switch my schedule to mornings. I work 8am to 3pm
I usually work 5 hour shifts
I'm Really, really hoping to move up in my job because that would make life easier.

If I do it will be full time and I think that would be nice but if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen.
Right now I'm working 3 or 4 days a week sometimes feel like a waste of my time but i know its worth it...
Its nice because I get out of the house but i spend a lot of time with the kids still.

I've been just really stressed on how things are going to work out and I'm just really waiting on this to be in stone before saying too much about anything.
I'm excited for Sunday and Monday because I'm going to my parents house!!!!!!!
to be honest right now I'm updating out of the "need to" feeling in my pit of my stomach.

So if this post seems random. its because IT IS.

I think its thundering, but no rain. its sad.
I wish it would just DOWN Poor

I love rain.
The Sound
The Smell after
oh and the feeling.

its all amazing.

anyway on a whole new subject.
I've been reading lots of quotes and poems.

sometimes I go long periods with out reading them
Then I remember how much I love them.
how much I love words.
I love putting words together and making something amazing.

Lately I've been thinking
Selfishly Selfless.
I LOVE OXYMORON'S.
(I even love the word. oxymoron.)

I thought of this the other day, and I just keep coming back to it for describing how I approach things.
let me give you a little more detail on this.
Selfishly- Cornered with only ones self
Selfless- Having, exhibiting, or motivated by no concern for oneself; unselfish
I want to be selfish, but in the end i usually end up being selfless and putting others first.
But I want to put me first, it just doesn't always work out that way.
I'm not really sure how to describe it, I just like the meaning it gives off. I've always loved oxymoron's.
A Beautiful disaster,
Just a Sweet Catastrophe,
Quiet storm,
really I like clever, and semi Meaningful oxymoron's, not just any old one.
well thats all for now. I'll save an update on the kids for my next post!

Time for me.

Lately I've been trying to set more time aside for myself.

Its been going well. Usually my "me time" is at work.

Its works out great, when we are not busy.

But when we are, I just find myself getting more frustrated.

Just so you know I work in a cabelas call center,

So when I'm not taking calls I'm aloud to read, write, and draw to keep myself busy.

My Favorite thing is writing. I LOVE to write.

I've been writing several pages a day. and thats why I havent really updated my blog.

by the time I get home, I have nothing left to say.

I'm sure your not thinking the same thing I am.

a little sharing is in order.

I guess I get nerves when I know someones going to read my deepest thoughts,
but I'm so tired of writing for anyone else but me. So here are some thoughts/poems.

sometimes a little fence keeping you from a big beautiful green field.

I just want all these words to spill out on to this page,
but none of them will come out
And none of them will go away.

its amazing how easily something breaks even though you've had it for a long time.

Sometimes moving forward can be has hard as looking back.

And here are some pictures of my children.

This is kaleigh. she is all dress up for our family pictures we took on friday. She is wearing her "sparkly Crown" as she likes to call it. and is very happy. She is growing up so fast. I can almost say she is not a toddler anymore. its crazy how fast she is growing and changing.  She has full out conversations with me now. I can not believe how much she knows. she is always surprising me with how smart she is.. My babys not such a baby anymore....

Collin has been getting bigger, growing a lot! he is so cute and happy! I just LOVE HIM! Daddy was trying to get him to smile real big for the camera and he did of course! He has started to laugh, I should say its more of a giggle. its still the cutest thing EVER!

Slacker.

I have come to this blog almost everyday this week and have not posted anything, besides new pages...
I feel like I have nothing important to say. when i know i have SO much to say but just don't know how to go about it. I think I'm just having trouble putting my feelings out there because I just don't want to be judged.
but this blog is about me. so I guess I just don't care, if you don't like it TOO BAD.

I guess the one of the things that's really brothering me is going back to work.
its not leaving the kids with someone else because

As of right now its not worth the cost of day care for us to put both children in day care, so Kevin's working mornings and I will be working nights. If you do not know I'm a morning person. I'd rather be working in the morning because that's when I'm the most alert. at the same time, I love spending mornings with the kids because its nice to start out my days with two of the most lovely things in this world. I also know that working the opposite shift as my husband means I'll be seeing less of him and I'm not so excited about that. If you cant tell I'm very torn about this whole thing.

I've done working from home and loved it. I was not making enough money for me to keep doing it. I was watching other children and was barley breaking even when It came to the food bill. Plus my house was were I worked which don't get me wrong I LOVE MY HOUSE!!! I just dont love it every day, all day, and never ever leaving my house... I felt like my house became my job because if it was messy then that meant I was being messy in my job. I guess I just felt trapped but thats all over and I have a job that I "like"... and trying to get a job that I LOVE .. but Money is money. Its too bad the world is based on money. Kevin always says he wishes it was like it use to be way back when, if you do this for me I'll give you this for you.. I some what agree, This world based way too much on worldly things..

well I guess this post makes me feel like less of a Slacker. I really wanted to put more pictures up, maybe I'll add more later. just couldnt find what I was looking for.....