fly away with the music.

Ever since I can remember Music has inspired me so much. I always like to say music is the beat the flows through my vains. I actually started to write because I secreatly wanted to become a singer and have my music impact everyone that heard it. I'm not an amazing singer by any means, I also did not want to be Famous like the celebertys today because they have no private life. I started to write in 5th grade think at some point in every girls life they keep a diary. I got so tired of writing about my day and it always seeming to be the same that I deside that I should write songs. I always like Cleaver lyrics and things with a deeper meaning than they seem to appear to have. So this is how I came about to writing my poems I some how feel this back storys need for the rest of the post.. I have a ipod, which my lovely husband bought for me... Yesterday One of my favorite songs right before I meet Kevin was Fly Away By Paul Wright. I came upon this song Via cell phone ring tones, got to love the way you find things.... Anyway. I just love the song so much I used good to find the lyrics and Myspace to find the song. I'm not so sure why I'm being so Specific all of a sudden but I guess I feel the need to... I've had an obsession with flying. I love the freeness in it. the ability to go where ever, when ever. This song Fit my life like a glove, or I guess it would be better to say what I wanted in life.. It was amazing.

Here is the Video so you can hear the song.

here are some poems about music...

Title: Music Fades
I live my life like it was a song.
its kinda one of those slow song
that you never really feel like your going to reach the end
the music flows
sometimes it fades in and out
But the fading never last that long
so crank up the volume
so you dont have to deal with the rest of the world
But i cant wait till i get to the end of the song so i can play it all back and see why at some points it was better for the music to fade because things never seem to stay exactly the same. and then you can see the purpose of the fading in the song.

Untitled
The music stops, so do my thoughts.
The batteries are low just like my soul.
The music lets me block out the world.
without it i am lost in my other thoughts
thoughts of things I shouldn't think
but they creep into my mind in their spare time.
i wrote that. one day when my batteries in my CD player died and i didn't have anymore left.

Feel to make you Real

I've been busy just living life, Enjoying watching my children laugh and grow.
I've been doing some writing, Dealing with stress and other issues that way.
Here is some recent stuff I have written.

Little girl, Don't give it all away,
you will end up regretting it one day.
I know time doesn't seem to fast,
One day you will wish this time would of last
because before you know it today will be the past.
You may be in a place
were you might not recognize your face
Were you are not sure who you are
or who you will become
You might be lost
but don't let your loneliness find you,
and bring you down
You are loved, you are cared for, you are special, and You are beautiful.
Do not let anyone tell you different.



Love in your Loneliness
Don't get lost in the sadness, anger, or fear.

Hold close everyone you hold dear.
its been years since the sadness set in.
since I felt the pain of heart break.
My pen is not my only friend.
actually our relationship has come to an end. (sort of)

I really wish that was better
But the keys under my finders are clicking
and I'm so tired of sitting
Tired of waiting and feeling so lost.
trying to find the right path to go down.
Its kinda Hard to say that I don't were I am going
I just know were I have been

I guess what I'm trying to say with these writings is, that I think too many Girls and boys are growing up way to fast, and will end up regretting their past. But every lesson is learned by each person in their own way. I know no buddy is perfect and I know I am Not.  but that's kind of getting off the subject. The other one is about feeling the realness of life and not hide behind other things. Trying to realize i have a little control over my life but its not in my hands. I have to trust that god will lead me down the right paths and things will be okay and work out. I think I finally have figured out what I will write about.  I want to be a publish writer one day. And I would love to publish a book of my poems, So I think I might start trying out my book  Idea here, Although I am slightly worried it will be copied and I wont get any credit for it, But I figure, its the Internet, Every things dated, PLUS I have all my writings in a note book so it be pretty hard to fake all that if things go bad for me in this publishing business. anyway enjoy!!

In a Music Moment

In a music moment.
Sitting, and listing
Finding a whole new meaning to each song.
Songs I Love.
Feeling the intense moment of when you dont want the song to be over,
Wishing to linger in the lyrics for just a bit longer.
but then it ends before you can hit repete.
a song with a new bet comes on
And you're all wraped up again.
Thoughts and feelings have always been attached to certain songs for me.
Some Certain songs make me think of certain people.

I have been listineing to music to help me sleep lately. I love a good song. This came to me the other night when I was listening to a song i loved years ago, and found a whole new meaning. I Love songs with clever lyrics and a good beat, some songs I like because what they say, I dont even like how it sounds. Thats a very rare occation though...
Also I've always loved sheets of music. I love the way notes look...

Just today I got a call from work saying they are going to move me to a CRA1 (which is one step closer to customer service)!! I'm very excited. I start my training for it this week, I'm really hoping it means more hours  and I'll be able to do more with customers. (and probably get paid more!) Yesterday was mothers day  I had a wonderful time with Kevin, Kaleigh, and Collin. It was so nice to spend time just us and really get to enjoy eachother. We had a great time at the lake (fishing) and just doing Family stuff all day. Playing games and We went on a Crazy long walk to subway (which is a mile away or so)...  Kevin Cooked me supper which was amazing. It was just some good time together, with out feeling like we had to be some where. This week is going to be crazy i'll update you on things when i know....
here some pictures of my weekend.


Kaleigh Blowing bubbles




Kaleigh and I




My Very Happy Boy



Collin Playing. almost always a Smile on his face
unless he is Hungery.

When it Rains; It snows.

When it rains, it snows.
Thats right snows.
I'm saying sometimes our problems seem bad and often go from bad to worse.
BUT Sometimes when it rains, It snows, (literally.)
Sometimes our problems don't get worse, they just take on a new form.
When your find yourself in this ruff spot you must be prepared for a blizzard that melts in days or have a very handy shovel (or plan) thats always on the back burner
That why when the weather decides to put a little snow in your rain your prepared for the worse but some how have the best out look.
The other day It rain and snow with in Mins of each other.
anyway this brought a thought to my mind that I felt I need to share
I also feel i need to say sorry for not writing but I've been busy dealing with some rainy snow. and just haven't figured out what kind of shovel to use just yet. I'll keep ya posted on it.
anyway.
this weekend was easter, it was really good had some great family time.
also today it was finally nice enough to go out and do something.
Kevin and I took the kids to the lake and did some fishing.



Collin and Kaleigh dress for easter.



Inspire Me

Staring at this blank page,
Begging it to Inspire me.
Just waiting for the words to spill out like water.
Waiting for something important to say
More important than wait i did today.
Usually I just need a blank page,
A Black Pen
A paper with no end.
I quickly run out of space
There no more place for my words.
This is why your pages are so empty.
I always think there will be pently of time to fill your pages up.
But when I sit down to you, I have no such luck.
its my deepest hearts desire to just be inspired

Sink Or Swim

I've been looking through one of my poem note book, which has pockets in it full of random paper I've written on. I've come across many things I've thought about, but forgot about once on the paper.
One Piece of paper in Particular caught my eye.

 It was from the summer after I graduated (2007)
The Summer that everything changed.
It was the summer I started down the path that got me here.
The Summer I met Kevin.
This is one of the first things I wrote after Kevin and I started to date.
I remember when I wrote this.
I was at camp.
By the water when I saw a Sign.
That Said *DANGER* no swimming.
and here is what I wrote.



Title: Sink Or Swim.
-But What if I want to Jump in?
-What if things don't go as I plain?
-What if I drown?
-What if I jump in and there is no one to save me from the murky waters?
-What if I find something new in the waters I didn't know was there before.
-What if the waters shallow enough to stand, then turns into sinking sand.
-What if the bottoms rocky and I end up getting hurt.
-What if I'm not ready to get my feet wet.
-What if it looks warm but ends up being cold.
-What if the person I want to save me just walks by.
-What if I don't want to be saved.
-What if I'm not dressed for the journey?
The water looks soo good, But I dont know if I want it that bad.
I'm so tired of these "what ifs"
I might as well Just jump in and see if I Sink or Swim.



I love this No Swimming picture.



Everything I've been writing lately is venting, or something I'm not quite ready to share.

I'm just really stressed, and very busy.
hopefully i'll get a little more time and beable to let you all know whats going on.

Children Update.

Kaleigh.

She is getting so big. She is SOOO SMART.
almost everyday she ask to go to school.
Yesterday she said "I go to school today?! I said no, not till your birthday.. She said I go to school, so i go to work so i make moneys!" made me laugh... because she had such a serious face on.
she starting to remember when i say she can have things. Example : I tell her you can have your candy tomorrow after lunch. and after lunch she will ask for it.
She is full of non stop Energy, Laughs, and smiles
Kaleigh will hold full conversations and then sometimes tell you the same thing 20 times. She does get  little whinny sometimes but they say shes at that age.
she still loves dress and wants to do everything that mommy or daddy does.
Hopefully here soon she will be diaper free. but thats a process that could take some more time.

Collin.

collin is a Bundle of laughs. He is SOO ticklish. when i put his clothes on in the morning he giggles as i pull the sleeves over his arms EVERY TIME. like it doesnt happen everyday or something.  he is such a happy baby. I am so blessed with him. He is pretty easy going and lets you know when he's not liking something. He got some coos going on. He discovered he has hands and they are his favorite thing to chew, right next to any toy you give him that he can fit in to his mouth. He also has started to play with toys a little although a lot of the time he ends up dropping them. He sleeps threw the night almost every night. sometimes he will sleep later than kaleigh. He kinda scoots around he kicks so much that he ends up going around in circles on his back or belly....

 enjoy.

Empty moments

I made this forever ago.

Years ago I wrote down "I miss you every time my life has an empty moment."
I also wrote. "I live a life filled with empty moments"
I love this thought  of "empty moments"

When I thought about these empty moments,
it was in my mind: every time what I was doing had no meaning.
Every time I did something and wish it would have meant more.
Every moment I couldn't recall and wish I could.
Every time I felt Empty and alone.
which when I was younger, was a lot.
I'm pretty sure These "empty moments" were glimmers of depression
I just know that I thought to myself there goes another empty moment.
Now I think about it and its like why was I so sad
I made this picture years ago. came across it while I looking through my pictures on my older computer.

I still Love the quote. Always as beautiful as the saddest rain storm. I'm not sure where I got it or if I made it up....I really don't know where I'm going with all this its just some thoughts I was having before going to bed last night. I guess I also was reading my old poems and quotes and realize I had forgotten that I once was just so sad/mad, why each poem is another sad story. but it was the best way I know how to express my feelings, and I guess I need to write down the sadness to forget it. I know I did A lot of that. Writing down thoughts and forgetting them, trying to forget the feelings attached to them. I guess I'm just realizing that I use to be very sad. And I know why I was sad, I can remember being upset over things that happened. Just reading the words I wrote, I guess sometimes I surprise myself in how sad I really was. Looking at all the pictures I use to save. All the broken hearts I felt like I related to some how. Or I would see and say "thats so me
Its strange to say I almost feel like I was waiting for someone to save me. I wasnt waiting for the knight in shining armor necessarily. I Knew that was just a fairy tail. I always knew I could turn to god for guidance and he was always there for me. As some of you may or may not know, I've herd the Gospel my whole life. (my parents are pastors) I know god was always there for me and I just had to ask for his help, but I guess sometimes I didn't want to admit I needed help. I wanted to be strong and do it all on my own. I know a lot of us are like that, for some reason We as humans feel it is necessary to do it all and do it right, and we like to do it by ourselves, on our own terms. I guess I'm trying to say its easier when you have a guide who can see the whole picture. God was in my life every time I had an unexplainable empty moment. he was Someone who knows why Empty moments are sometimes necessary. I don't want to live a life of empty moments, I want to enjoy each moment. Empty or whole. whatever God feels I need to experience I will. Of course I know I wont be doing it all alone. I guess i want to look on the bright side of things, and try not to be a downer. I want a happy life. Not an Empty one. I dont have a lot of "empty moments anymore. and thats something I'm very happy for

Time for me.

Lately I've been trying to set more time aside for myself.

Its been going well. Usually my "me time" is at work.

Its works out great, when we are not busy.

But when we are, I just find myself getting more frustrated.

Just so you know I work in a cabelas call center,

So when I'm not taking calls I'm aloud to read, write, and draw to keep myself busy.

My Favorite thing is writing. I LOVE to write.

I've been writing several pages a day. and thats why I havent really updated my blog.

by the time I get home, I have nothing left to say.

I'm sure your not thinking the same thing I am.

a little sharing is in order.

I guess I get nerves when I know someones going to read my deepest thoughts,
but I'm so tired of writing for anyone else but me. So here are some thoughts/poems.

sometimes a little fence keeping you from a big beautiful green field.

I just want all these words to spill out on to this page,
but none of them will come out
And none of them will go away.

its amazing how easily something breaks even though you've had it for a long time.

Sometimes moving forward can be has hard as looking back.

And here are some pictures of my children.

This is kaleigh. she is all dress up for our family pictures we took on friday. She is wearing her "sparkly Crown" as she likes to call it. and is very happy. She is growing up so fast. I can almost say she is not a toddler anymore. its crazy how fast she is growing and changing.  She has full out conversations with me now. I can not believe how much she knows. she is always surprising me with how smart she is.. My babys not such a baby anymore....

Collin has been getting bigger, growing a lot! he is so cute and happy! I just LOVE HIM! Daddy was trying to get him to smile real big for the camera and he did of course! He has started to laugh, I should say its more of a giggle. its still the cutest thing EVER!

Some food for thought...

I've been changing my page so much, i keep thinking its so me!
then i see someones else blog and i'm like Oh i really like that.
then think how can i get mine to look like that?!?!
I wish i was as good at editing HTML as i use to be.
these HTML are slightly more complicated than what i've worked with.
I'd spend hours on the computer Customizing my old Blogs/Myspace pages.....
But its like riding a bike i just got to get back into it.....
i've been reading up on some of the different things you can do on your own.
and going to different template pages and playing with the codes
so hopefully i'll just LOVE what  i come up with in the next few days.

anyway enough about the pages of this blog

I was asked to put up my recipe for chicken Alfredo!

Here it is.... its pretty simple

You cook a boneless chicken breast in a lightly butter pan

(i usually also lightly sprinkle pepper and garlic powder in the pan for extra flavor,

but you can use whatever seasoning you want and

i also cut up the chicken breast to bite size so it cooks evenly and fast.)

Bring any type of noodle to a Boil that you want (and of course drain once cooked)

I usually just buy the Alfredo sauce, my favorite is the Bertolli Alfredo sauce,

there are a few different choices for the bertolli alfredo sauce, they all taste really good.

Mix it all together in one pan. i usually add Cheddar cheese and Parmesan cheese and mix it till it melts.

You may also want to cook and put some veges (broccoli, spinach, ect.) Eat and enjoy!

I love BABY FEET! they are so cute and little and collin some of the cutest feet around!

i'm going to put some good quotes on this post because i have nothing better to write in the empty space, most  are by me others i'm not sure were they are from.

I want to write how I feel in the sky,
so then everyone will see, and everyone will know
then maybe everyone will remember. -Me


Music as always been one of loves of my life
it never lets me down
it always there when i need it
it always has the words i need to hear....
I always know what its going to say....
I got ever word memorized in my head.
thats why i always need to hear new music
the old ones become broken records that i dont want to listen to anymore.
But after I dont listen to a song for so long I hear it again then,
Its like a whole new life is brought to the table.-Me

A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for - Anonymous

this thought i've been chasing is dead and buried;
it shouldn't even get flowers on special holidays.
 -me

Life is like a coloring book
destiny has already drawn the picture
but it is you who decides how to fill in the lines

My darling look how much you have grown
so much time has past
I can't believe this year didnt last
if only it would
I love to see how much you have changed and grown.
You are everything i could have wanted in a child and more.
-Me (its about kaleigh. i wrote it when she turned a year old)

also the picture of kaleigh is he In her favorite dress. everyday she wants to wear this dress.... and the shoes she wearing.
shes all "pretty" as she likes to say. she did this outfit all by herself too, the head band and neck less (shoes, on the wrong feet) and you just got to love it!!!!!!

Little girl, Don't grow up so fast
all those carefree times won't last
You see in Beautiful colors
But things change as your grow old
soon the colors start to fade
and you have problems day to day
You think losing a toy will bring you down
Losing a loved one will turn you around
so little girl just have fun
try to stay young, My little one.

i would like everyone to know its taken me THREE days to get this post up. THREE!!!!!!!! there are just not enough hours in the day!
well i think thats all for now, i'll share more of my writings and other favorite quotes soon let me know what you think.

My First Post

So i have come to the conclusion that i need to start writing again. Not just my poems but about my life. this is slightly inspired by the fact my i have been reading my sister-in-laws blog and realize how much I miss writing and telling people about randomness and talking about all the things i love. so this is my first post. hopefully i can keep it up. I use to blog a lot, but then i had a lot more time on my hands.... I am hoping I will, i need a place to share my thoughts and writing to keep it up so i don't get rusty. I do want to be published someday.

a little about me....
I am married to my best friend in the world, Kevin.
we have two children, Kaleigh, who is 2 and Collin, who will be 4 weeks old tomorrow.
and I'm probably going to spend the next hour or three trying to get everything on my blog page perfect before i tell anyone about it. :)