Everything.

So I'm not really sure where to start.
I've been avoiding you blog.

I'm sorry.
its just life's throwing lots my way and I'm not sure what to do with it all.
I have time to write to you I just don't know what to say
so here's whats going on.

I've switch my schedule to mornings. I work 8am to 3pm
I usually work 5 hour shifts
I'm Really, really hoping to move up in my job because that would make life easier.

If I do it will be full time and I think that would be nice but if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen.
Right now I'm working 3 or 4 days a week sometimes feel like a waste of my time but i know its worth it...
Its nice because I get out of the house but i spend a lot of time with the kids still.

I've been just really stressed on how things are going to work out and I'm just really waiting on this to be in stone before saying too much about anything.
I'm excited for Sunday and Monday because I'm going to my parents house!!!!!!!
to be honest right now I'm updating out of the "need to" feeling in my pit of my stomach.

So if this post seems random. its because IT IS.

I think its thundering, but no rain. its sad.
I wish it would just DOWN Poor

I love rain.
The Sound
The Smell after
oh and the feeling.

its all amazing.

anyway on a whole new subject.
I've been reading lots of quotes and poems.

sometimes I go long periods with out reading them
Then I remember how much I love them.
how much I love words.
I love putting words together and making something amazing.

Lately I've been thinking
Selfishly Selfless.
I LOVE OXYMORON'S.
(I even love the word. oxymoron.)

I thought of this the other day, and I just keep coming back to it for describing how I approach things.
let me give you a little more detail on this.
Selfishly- Cornered with only ones self
Selfless- Having, exhibiting, or motivated by no concern for oneself; unselfish
I want to be selfish, but in the end i usually end up being selfless and putting others first.
But I want to put me first, it just doesn't always work out that way.
I'm not really sure how to describe it, I just like the meaning it gives off. I've always loved oxymoron's.
A Beautiful disaster,
Just a Sweet Catastrophe,
Quiet storm,
really I like clever, and semi Meaningful oxymoron's, not just any old one.
well thats all for now. I'll save an update on the kids for my next post!